Couple doesn't want to vacation with in-laws after major conflict involving husband's brother, but family keeps pushing for togetherness: 'The relationship is still recovering'

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Cata Holmes • Writer
Jun 13, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

Is it unreasonable to skip a family vacation when tensions haven't fully healed?

A couple is considering saying no to a week-long vacation with the in-laws after a recent family fight that involved the husband's brother's girlfriend. The immediate drama is over, but the relationship is still strained, and they wonder if seven days together is a great idea.

I think we can understand why this may be an awkward position to be in. Family get-togethers are one of those things where everyone can be nice to each other just for a couple of hours, but a vacation is a whole new commitment. If sharing food and a few laughs for a couple of hours is not ideal, on a holiday, there is not much room to step away if things do go as planned.

The one thing that is striking to me is that the couple doesn't seem to be interested in punishing anyone, or even making this conflict last longer. They are very down-to-earth and know that it takes time to get a relationship back to where it was. When it comes to family issues, resolving problems takes a bit more time and patience, and certainly sharing a breakfast table for days in a row isn't going to help.

Also, I don't know if you can spot the difference between obligation and reconciliation. The second one happens when people just want to solve the problem and move on with their lives. Obligation, on the other hand, appears when other people think you should move on. And that, my friends, is never going to be of any help when it comes to making amends with a relative.

In my opinion, and mainly in family matters, knowing your limits is going to be your best friend. If saying no to a vacation is what you need, then go ahead. I don't think that means you're cutting someone out of your life. Most of the time, it's just saying you need more time and space to heal.

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  • A couple engages in a serious discussion.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    A couple engages in a serious discussion.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My husband's family recently proposed a week-long family trip immediately before a wedding we're all attending in August, and we're wondering if we'd be unreasonable for declining.
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  • A few weeks ago, there was a significant family conflict involving one of my husband's brother's partner. She made hurtful comments about us to other family members and repeated things about us that we believe were untrue. While nobody is actively fighting anymore, the relationship is still recovering, and neither of us is currently on speaking terms with her.
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  • Part of our hesitation is that we're already going to be seeing everyone at the wedding. There is a rehearsal dinner, another family dinner, the wedding itself, and plans afterward. To us, that already seems like a meaningful amount of family time and a good opportunity to see how everyone gets along.
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  • My husband's parents place a high value on family togetherness and would ideally like all of their children and partners spending more time together. They don't really view the wedding weekend as dedicated family time because there will be many other relatives and obligations. What they want is time specifically set aside for their immediate family.
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  • When my husband points out that we'll be seeing everyone soon, his parents often respond that the last time they saw us was earlier this spring and that, from their perspective, it has already been a long time.
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  • For context, we haven't been avoiding them. We saw them over the holidays and again earlier this spring, and we'll be spending multiple days together around the wedding.
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  • I also have a cordial but not especially close relationship with my in-laws, which makes me hesitant about committing to a week-long vacation.
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  • At the end of the day, neither of us is particularly excited about the trip itself. My husband misses his family and would like things to improve, but he is also hesitant about spending seven days together under these circumstances. As for me, a few dinners or wedding-related events are one thing; a full week of shared meals, activities, and togetherness feels like a lot given the current state of the relationships.
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  • The proposed trip would take place immediately before a wedding where we'll already be spending several days together. We'd essentially be seeing the same group of people for a week and then seeing them again two weeks later.
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  • Family members spend quality time together on a beach vacation by the ocean.
    via Unsplash+ (via Wendy Stevian)

    Family members spend quality time together on a beach vacation by the ocean.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Would we be unreasonable for declining the trip and simply seeing everyone at the wedding?
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  • In the comments on the post, there was some disagreement as to where the line was to be drawn between keeping the peace and protecting one's peace of mind. Here are some of the responses from readers that had clearly have more experience in dealing with family issues.

  • iceman_andre Nta Vacation is for relax not drama and seeing people you don't want to
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  • Rumpelteazer45 NTA "I'm sorry with our work schedules, we are unable to take more time off at this time". Keep repeating this over and over.
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  • TheDrunkScientist NTA. A week with my in-laws sounds hellish. And I actually enjoy their company.
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  • VampireKnight1to3 Not unreasonable AT ALL. Decline the invite together and then stand firm.
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  • KendalBoy Great chance for your husband to bite the bullet and say no for the both of you. This is his job, and if there's any fallout coming your way, it's his job to fend it off. Be proactive and make some plans with his parents that you would host and equally enjoy and leave SIL in the dust. Talk to your husband about what fun with his parents could look like going forward, help him come up with ideas so he understands he's not losing anything.
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  • Pipereatsdogs NTA, Tell them that you have already committed to the wedding and that two events close together are too much for your schedule right now.
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  • stoodincrap NTA, you go on holiday to relax and will see them a lot for the wedding. Could you also say you don't have enough time off from work to shut down further conversation?
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  • Solo traveler relaxes on a peaceful beach while enjoying a quiet moment away from everyday stress.
    via Unsplash+ (via Rafael Cisneros Méndez)

    Solo traveler relaxes on a peaceful beach while enjoying a quiet moment away from everyday stress.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • tripledive If you have limited PTO, why use it for that. NTA
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  • srp431 sounds like a stressful vacation, I think you should pass, tell them work is too busy
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  • If I may share my own thoughts on this story, I believe that family relationships can't be healed overnight, with pressure from other relatives. The best thing to do is to have your own space to process and to heal before facing those who hurt you. In the case of the story, they are going to be together in the upcoming wedding, so maybe having that extra time to be alone may help them come to terms with the situation and the people involved.

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family drama brother drama in laws family vacation
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